Holy Shit: This Still Exists

Huh

This still exists.

Wow. I am VERY curious to see if people are still going to get email notifications from a new post. If you did, well...
Hello again old friend. It has been almost a decade? Something like that.

So, I was going to write an entry about how awful it was to read through this. How cringe-y about 98% of these old posts are. That remaining 2%? Well, that's just my ego protecting itself by saying that "hey, y'know it's not ALL garbage. There's at least... Well, I mean Penguin Holmes sure was...creative?"

I was about halfway through writing that and just...
Just intellectually destroying my teenage self when I realized the adage, "people in glass houses..." probably applies here. Yes, those old posts make me want to go take an incredibly long sadness nap where maybe, God willing, I don't wake up. BUT I mean, has my writing improved any?

Probably not. I haven't written hardly anything since then. A few poems here and there. A college course on creative... Creativity? Was it just creativity? Even the course was a long time ago. I think it was just about creativity? Jesus, that college was just the epitome of liberal arts.
Anyways I wrote a short story there...

 See? Look? Halfway through that paragraph I just entirely lost the point I was making! I'm still garbage! How can I mock my younger self for being terrible when I haven't improved at all! Fuck! Look at how many ellipses I've done for no reason! I'm a moron!  That's the point. Glass houses, man...

Glass...fucking...houses...

Anyways, I'm writing in this blog again. For my own benefit. H-h-here I go!

 A couple of years back my parents gave me a book called 300 writing prompts. Or it was last year? Or earlier this year? Listen, the point is it sat in my room unopened for a rather long time.

I'm going to do that.

300 of them.

If you did actually get a notification for a new post, now would be a really good time to turn that off.

What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?

I'm beginning to see why I haven't opened this book in a long time. I just do not care at all to do this prompt. I mean, I'm doing it. Look at me do it. Pretty soon I will have done it.

But just what am I supposed to say here? Every day is a lazy day.

 Apple fairly recently started giving me like a screen time recap for the week. I mean, not just me. I assume. I hope everyone else is also getting that and it's not just like, "Hey, don't look at your screen so much. Check these stats out. You are in danger"

 I don't remember the exact numbers but I'm pretty sure it was something like 400 billion trillion hours spent watching videos on Facebook and Instagram.

I'm never more disgusted with myself than the times that I look up, 1-2 hours later, from the rabbit hole of many many 5 minute clips of life hacks, stand up routines, Adam Ruins Everythings, Cooking videos that DON'T EVEN HAVE THE RECIPE ANYWHERE IT'S JUST LOOK AT THIS THING THESE HANDS MADE WHILE WE PLAY ROYALTY FREE MUSIC, and videos of people zip lining through forests.
It's an actual addiction. I hate all these things and yet... And yet, I have seen so many of these things. And CONTINUE to see these things.

That's the real reason I'm writing again in this shitty old blog. Maybe if I distract myself with this, I won't ever have to watch another Adam Ruins Everything.

But Michael, all of that is under your own control. You could just sto-
Wait wait wait. I'm still doing that? Italicizing questions posed by 'the reader'? Yeah, I guess I am.

What can I say? Old habits die hard.

 But Michael, all of that is under your own control. You could just stop watching those things and do something more productive like-

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. NO ONE ASKED YOU. ALSO THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUESTION. YOU INTERRUPT MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT WITH JUST AN INTERJECTION? A STATEMENT? THIS ISN'T A DIALOGUE. I AM TRYING TO ANSWER PROMPT 1 OF 300 OUT OF A BOOK ENTITLED 300 WRITING PROMPTS GIVEN TO ME BY MY DEAR FATHER AND STEP MOTHER.

They paid five hard earned dollars for this book as made evident from the price sticker still on it. From a store named Five Below. I have NEVER even HEARD of THIS STORE but I have a PRETTY FUCKING GOOD IDEA as to what THE GIMMICK of THE STORE IS.

AND I'M SICK OF THESE CONSTANT INTERRUPTIONS. I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS. I WON'T WORK LIKE THIS.

Where was I?



CHRIST.





I'M STILL UPSET BY ALL THESE INTERRUPTIONS. JUST KEEP YOUR ITALICS OFF AND KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS IN YOUR STUPID SKULL CAVERN. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.






AND JUST HOW LONG AM I GOING TO KEEP DOING THIS BIT? YELLING AT MYSELF FOR 'INTERRUPTING' MYSELF?



LIKE, THEY GET IT. IT'S META.


IS THIS WHAT I'VE COME TO?
A DECADE LATER AND THIS IS WHAT I'M WRITING? JUST THIS INCREDIBLY DRAWN OUT JOKE IN ALL CAPS?
IT'S PROBABLY PRETTY HARD TO READ EVEN.

Anyways, have you guys seen those dash cam videos of Russian drivers? Those are CUH
RAZY. What a wild country that must be.

-Gossip Girl